I am okay just the way that I am even when I don't make other people comfortable

I tried speaking to my mother about how I am upset with the unfairness of the way that people sometimes treat me.
 Paraphrasing, here is a recap:
The conversation started with us wishing each other Happy Valentine's day. I asked how she was doing and how her cold is going. She asked me how I was doing: "Horrid." Bad idea, Katherine. Don't be honest.

She asked why. "Mat came over and I got really upset and he treated me like I was trying to be manipulating and-- I'm just not sure why."

A few minutes later of talking and it popped into my head "You know what bothered me so much? He just wanted me to stop being upset! I am so fucking sick of people not giving me the same kind of acceptance that I give them. If HE was crying I would be okay with it. But if I cry all he does is tell me to stop. I'm fucking sick of it! People punish me for expressing my negative and human emotions."

"I think punish is too strong.."

"Mom. Social punishment is certainly punishment and something that effects me very strongly! I tell someone that their behavior is hurting me and suddenly  I am not treated so kindly by them. Sticking-up for myself? I MUST have a cold, or I'm leaving my 'kind nature' behind, or I've 'changed-- SOMETHING is wrong with me for telling people that their actions or lack there of bother me in some fashion. I can understand and understand and understand and it STILL doesn't fucking make it okay. If I don't like what another person is saying or doing then suddenly I am 'ungrateful'."

Then, I'm guessing realizing that she is under this umbrella of people whom I know that do exactly this, my mother started to DEFEND the people I was talking about: "they don't mean it", "it's understandable", "you could end up hurting their feelings if you told them."

She has tended to be one of the most "nice"-peddlers I have ever known, my mom has. And, no, I don't mean  "doing things for others", I mean the most commonly used definition of nice-- a definition that is used to COMPLIMENT people-- "someone who does things for others at the expense of themself". That isn't something to be praised-- that ought to be pointed out as an unhelpful habit. This definition of "nice" isn't "doing something for others" as much as it is being really mean to oneself. Putting yourself on the back burner isn't kind it's cruel. I hate when people tell me how "nice" I am. I am not this definition of "nice" and I don't enjoy being told that I am just because someone can see that I am okay with things that are normally an inconvenience for other people.

"I know your nature is forgiving," says she, "If you just understand that those people are doing it with love..." She started to tell me how she "just called to tell me happy valentine's day and now I was yelling at her and" i was "so angry."
1. Mom, you just did EXACTLY what I am furious about: Telling me (by using shunning tactics like "your innate nature is better than how you are acting") that I should not be angry; that it is not okay to be angry.
2. YOU ASKED ME HOW I WAS AND I RESPONDED HONESTLY.
3. You have no faith in how much I love people. I love people NO MATTER if I am upset with them or not. I don't have to be happy in order to know that I love people.
4. How dare you tell me that I should be more sensitive to the feelings of other people! If they end up getting hurt then they aren't hearing me correctly and that's THEIR problem. Does this sound a little too close to home, Mom?


FUCK!